The excitement of "New life, new everything!" has transitioned to "Wait, this kinda sucks." I'm struggling with a bunch of stuff right now.
Missing home is a big one. I cried uncontrollably on Thanksgiving. It was my first time not being with family, and I didn't expect the emotions to hit so hard. I visited home for 10 days earlier in November, and it was everything I could have wanted and more. Awesome, quality family and friend time, cat time (SO NEEDED - seriously, my life would be greatly enhanced if I was allowed to have a cat at the trailer), beautiful weather, outdoor adventures - just a wonderful mix of relaxation and fun with people I really care about. I didn't want to come back to Georgia. At all. So, things have been difficult since then. I'm holding on to the fact that I'll be back home for Christmas, but after that, who knows. I probably won't be home again for at least another six months, and that's a scary/upsetting thought.
I'm also experiencing some challenges with work and church, which are obviously huge pieces of my life. I'm desperate for community that I don't feel like I've found yet. I do have some friends I would consider close or moving toward close, but they're spread out and all go to different churches. I'm used to having a core group of friends that meet each week and get super involved in each other's lives. I desire to know and be known on a deep level. Surface stuff isn't really my jam. I kinda wish people here knew everything about me like my friends do in NJ, so they could call me out on my crap and push me closer to Christ. Speaking of, an older mentor/pastor relationship would be amazing, too. Especially as I tend to slip away from Him when I get in funks like this. And make poor decisions, like I have over the past few days.
Basically, I'm questioning why I'm here. Meaning here in Georgia and here on Earth in general. I used to think I had a calling once, and I rode that wave for a while. Now, I'm not really sure what it is. And I feel very much alone in Georgia, missing everyone I love, missing the places I love, missing nature - what I wouldn't give for the luxury of walking out my door to the mountains or beach again. I live in a horribly boring, horribly congested, no pretty places to go town. And I'm learning that's not exactly the best fit for this nature-loving, hippy at heart girl.
I'm trying to find little bits of peace and happiness where ever I can - in the new boot camp gym I've been going to (even though it will severely affect my already dismal finances if I keep going there), in my box set of The Office (really though, Jim makes everything better) and in the Christmas lights my neighbors and I put up on the trailer to bring some kind of light to my dumpy dwelling.
I write all of this to confess where I'm at and ask for your prayers. Things are just really hard for me right now, and the holidays and impending darkness/cold of winter certainly don't help. Encouragement is very much appreciated, especially if you've experienced the exact situation I'm in. A lonely, confusion situation.